Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
