i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
