Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
