So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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