WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I don't deserve a penis
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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