White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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