dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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