This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
