You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
