If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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