you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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