Porn is love you can see.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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