Dual....:-)
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
