Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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