Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
foreskin is a definite game changer
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
