Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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