The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
