Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize