i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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