Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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