is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
