drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
