TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize