vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
