yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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