i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize