Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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