I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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