Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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