I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
