butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
