He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
