I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
