Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
