Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
