guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
