I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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