i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
