I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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