My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize