We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
