mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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