just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
