Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
he fucked my hip out of place.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
