This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
