My underwear smells like fireworks.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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