So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
