She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
