she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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