It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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