ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
