**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
