i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
