If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize