That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
