I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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