You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
