I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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