i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
