dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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