I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
