i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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