I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
