So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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