I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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