Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
