she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
