Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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