The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Randomize
