Umm I'm too high to move.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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