WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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