roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
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Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
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