One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
