I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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