i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
