just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
