did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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