There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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